Advice To Make Life Easier

The information in this article is advice to make life simpler for you as a single parent.  It will be   a combination of book and article I read and put into practice along with my own ideas.  I honestly believe the best things you can give your children is your love and your time.Image result for lucy with psychologist booth free picture

The first item I am going to suggest is the hardest thing to do as a single mom or a single dad.  That is get along with the other parent.  They area major part of your child’s life unless they have done something absolutely unforgivable to the child and are not allowed to see them.  If you have been hurt it really stinks but the kids are what really matter.  They need both parents. Your parenting is  much easier if you get along with each other.  The goal is to make your children into quality people and not turn them into  problem children.  This is the most difficult to follow piece of advice to make life simpler that I have for you!  I am sure this is not a popular item but it is my truth!

Here is some sound advice I have for you  If you and your child’s mother or father split up but have a decent, cordial relationship working out a co-parenting situation is the best for the child.  It will have both parents involved in their life and make them feel more normal.

If this is a situation that simply won’t work I have 10 tips that I found useful.  These will work even if you have a co-parenting situation.  It also works in two parent households.

The Ten Point List For Advice to Make Life Easier

  1. We all need help so don’t be afraid to ask for it.  Many people in your life  will assist you.  They include your parents, siblings, friends and other relatives.  I will list some agencies and other organization you can look to in the help section.
  2. Build a support network out of these people helping you.  This will remove some of the stress out of your life.   It will help you feel better about yourself and how the kids are being taken care of when you need a break.
  3. Set up a daily schedule so the kids no what to expect.  This should include wake up time, breakfast, chores, any child activities, etc. This will help you keep track of where you should be and where every child is suppose to be.
  4. Make time for yourself. We all need a break so take one and don’t feel guilty about it.  You need to recharge your battery every day. This will help you be at your best most of the time!
  5. Find mentors or just time with an other adult or adults if your ex is not in the picture.  Your kid will need a break from you and to see how other adults do things.  it also creates a bond between that adult (I am a grandfather and do things with my grandchildren) that makes them all better for it.  It works even in two parent households like my son and daughter in laws.
  6. Spend time with your kids..Your kids will want your time not to be bought off with toys.  They love you and want your attention.  I suggest spending time with all of your children together most of the time.  Try to create one on one time with each child as much as is realistic.
  7. Have fun with your kids and be a kid yourself.  If you embarrass yourself it will show the kids you are only human.  If everything you do with them is grocery shopping or other errands you are not creating a positive experience with them.  Take them to a park or a zoo.  it can be free just as long as it is with you!
  8. Set up rules you and the kids must follow – The rules can be simple but they must be something you will enforce.  There must be consequences if the rules are disobeyed just to prove they are real.
  9. Find yourself before you start dating – going through this experience is tough on both you and the kids.  If they are sharing someone new right away odds are good they won’t like him or her and it could lead to many issues down the line.
  10. My biggest rule is put the kids first always –  They are your blessing to take care of and make sure they always feel loved and special.  I always feel truly blessed and would not change a thing but I see way to many people believing children are a burden instead of the blessing they are!

If you set up a structured way to do things and work with your kids you will be amazed how well this advice to make life simpler will work.  It will not be successful 100% of the time but it is much better than being totally unprepared and flying by the seat of your pants!  It took me awhile to figure this out!  I learned I had to simplify or just feel rushed and out of control all of the time!

Please feel free to leave questions and comments.  Thank you for reading!

11 thoughts on “Advice To Make Life Easier

  1. Tugarcia

    Very helpful post. I agree that putting your differences aside and finding a way to work together for the greater good should be top priority. You owe that much to your kids. Things happen, and people break up. You may have done that because it was most beneficial for you as an individual, but when children are involved, then the parenting dynamics have to be reconsidered. This is also a good opportunity to teach your children an important lesson about being a responsible adult. Tips were great. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    1. Keith Maki Post author

      Thank you for the comments. I always tried to put the kids first and did not want them in the middle of something they would not understand… It is amazing but by putting aside the differences my ex-wife and I are friends today which is now good for the grand kids! Keith

      Reply
  2. Helen

    Totally agree with you. When I was a single parent I made sure we had boundaries, a schedule and a chore chart. When kids have a routine they feel safer and less stressed. It is hard to be a single parent especially when you have more than one child. You have to be in so many places at the same time. Very good advice you have given. Great post.

    Reply
    1. Keith Maki Post author

      Thanks you very much for the comments! I always loved my kids so I did anything I could to make things work…They turned out to be fine adults so I must have done something right! Keith

      Reply
  3. Gary

    Keith,
    Now I understand the line, If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

    How I wish my parents had been able to read and understand your wisdom regarding getting along with the other parent from above.”
    My dad left my mom in 1970 when I was 13. My mom was an only child and her world became so Crushed we children suffered inmeasurably.
    Divorce was not terribly common in those days so people had much to learn.

    Thank you for this site and your writings, I truly hope you may spare anyone from the misery I endured as a child.
    Time does heal, but thought spares the need!

    Gary

    Reply
    1. Keith Maki Post author

      Hi Gary, It is very difficult for most parents to separate the anger they have between them and the love they have for their kids so the kids pay the price. I am really going to try and stress more of the getting along as much as possible because you have times you must see each other and it is not only in the best interest of your children but of your grand children.

      If you can teach your children it is ok to have differences as parents and if you part as being able to tolerate each other it will make the relationships your child has in the future much better and easier for them to be long term and solid.

      Keith

      Reply
  4. Anna

    It’s a lovely website Keith and it’s great that you took time and effort to put all your experience and advice here for people to realise that they are not alone. I can only imagine how difficult must be to raise two kids on your own and yet you seem to be positive and happy. Way to go!

    Reply
    1. Keith Maki Post author

      Thank you Anna! It was difficult at times. I loved doing it as I really learned from the kids and they from me..The hardest thing is finding time to make sure everything got covered as they were both very busy kids!

      Reply
  5. Ashley

    For the first half of my daughter’s life I was a single parent and things were definitely difficult! Fortunately, even though things didn’t work between me and my ex-husband, we always agreed to put our daughter first. I worked shift work and finding babysitters was difficult. I ended up eventually calling my ex-husband’s mom to ask if she could help out. I think letting her know my separation from her son was not something that would affect her relationship with my daughter was very important. Also, I think asking for help showed that I was truly looking to do what was right for my child. Ten years later, I’m now remarried with two additional kiddos and my ex-husband and I still have a friendly relationship and my daughter is able to see him often. Thanks for sharing this advice for all those who may be struggling at this point!
    Ashley

    Reply
  6. Hailey

    Hey there

    Thanks for the great post
    Any separation involving children is not easy. I agree that your differences with the other parent should not be bought up in front of the children and should not affect the parenting of your children.
    I have 100% custody of my children there father chose to completely walk away from them. They have a step father now who is awesome
    Your post is great and will help so many
    Regards
    Hailey

    Reply
    1. Keith Maki Post author

      It is sad that their biological father has chose to be no more than a sperm donor.  I am very happy for them and for you that an awesome guy has assumed the much needed role of being a true dad to your kids!  I know how important it is for children to have that access and to learn from both parents… A dad is the person who cares for them and loves them not necessarily the one who contributes the fertilizer!

      Take care Hailey,

      Keith

      Reply

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