The one thing I am absolutely certain of is a vast majority of single parents absolutely love their children and want to put them first in their lives at all times. This is not always easy to do and following is where the number one single parents selfless act takes place.
When children are part of a custody situation or a bad breakup a lot of anger and other negative emotional energy is taking place. The animosity of the adults towards each other in that situation over rides their common sense and love for their children. The needs of the children are not even consciously thought about by either party.
The decisions made at this time are to punish and hurt one another which leads to punishing the most innocent people in this situation – the children! They always need to come first!
I have lived through this. I know it is a very tough time. You have to reach inside and remember the times that were good. This does not apply in abusive situations or something worse but most of them are not. The kids need both parents if at all possible!
What Is A Single Parents Selfless Act
I believe you can work on things so the custodial parent is reasonable to the non custodial parent. The single parents selfless acts I am proposing comes from both sides. They are:
- When child support is figured out do it in a fair way. I know the government, in its infinite wisdom, has a set percentage depending on number of children. This does not leave the average person paying it enough to live on. If you are both working figure out how much it will cost to raise the kids and split things – this will give the non custodial parent an opportunity to spoil his or her kids too! You can agree on who will carry the medical insurance, pay daycare, split the activity fees, etc…This is all possible—-We are adults!
- Be reasonable with visitation. As your children get older, friends and activities eat up more time. Both of you need to see the kids and, if you are flexible, the kids will appreciate it too! You will also get a break if you need one and it will help you get along better with the ex. The agreement for the non custodial parent will start with being time and not disappointing the kids by not showing up and will keep his or her word on all dealings with the other parent.
- Go together to conferences. You are the parents of the kids don’t make them feel alienated. You made them so you should be able to survive a few minutes together.
- Don’t skip events because he/she is there. I coached little league baseball and football for many years and this is so childish. The kids are always looking for the parents and neither one shows up. The kid is sad and feels very hurt. It is very wrong!
- You will have weddings, graduations, concerts, recitals, grand children, etc. over the next many years so you will have to get used to seeing each other occasionally. Be adults and if you are in a new relationship they must be adults. It really is not that difficult.
- If the kids need money for things you may need to talk about it and split the cost! I know – heaven forbid. It does happen and it all works out!
- I have lived through this all and it is a great thing! My daughter even has it planned where we all get together every couple of months for dinner – yes I am there along with my long ago wife and her new husband of 15 years and we all get along fine! It did take a little while to get things going but we ALWAYS put the kids first!
In Summary, the major single parents selfless act is to get along with the other parent. It would help if you could get along with his or her family too as the kids need all the family love and support in the growing years they have ahead of them.